Monday, April 23, 2018

All Things New

Six years ago, this week, I lost a baby to miscarriage. I was eleven weeks along and had already bonded with the new life growing inside me. Our two little boys (5 and 2 at the time) had already been talking about the baby in Mommy's tummy. Chris and I had been throwing around names and our days were filled with a new found excitement. We spent time hoping and dreaming about what having three kids might be like, when our world, suddenly came crashing down.

Grief came in waves, crashing against my soul, tearing at my heart with the power of a tsunami. I remember during that time wanting to do something to give my baby weight in this world. To ensure this little gift from God was remembered. Life goes on and others quickly forgot the sweet life that had so impacted mine in his/her short 11 weeks. It wasn't until I lost our second baby two years ago that I made my initial plan of remembrance a reality. I wanted a physical reminder of the two sweet lives that I carried for 11 weeks on this earth. They are as much my babies as the five beautiful boys that I have the privilege of mothering, loving on, and raising day in and day out. I knew I wanted to find and plant two flowering trees so that each Spring the new life and beautiful blooms would remind us that we have two babies very much alive in heaven. Because of the new life I have in Christ, I will see my babies again someday. Oh what a glorious day that will be.
Each spring, I wait with great anticipation to behold the beautiful flowering blooms. They do not disappoint. What I did not anticipate was, when I take in the beautiful blooms each spring, I am reminded of more than just the two babies that I cannot wait to meet someday. I cannot help but pause and look each time I walk by the window, or stroll past them in the yard. I  am reminded that great beauty can come from great pain. In my case, in the form of a depth of compassion I had never known. Compassion that can only come through trial by fire, and through experience. I can now look back with a thankful heart, not that I would choose to go through the pain, but that the Lord was able to bring about good in my life through it.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 

As I take in the beauty of the blooms I cannot help but think that I am just a stranger passing through, this world is not my home. After learning the news of my loss at my doctor's appointment, my brand new cell phone suddenly did not work, and I was not able to call my husband to tell him the news. I had a long quiet drive home with just my thoughts, and as tears streamed down my face I remember vividly the moment I realized I had a baby in heaven. Somehow, heaven seemed more real to me that day than it ever had before. For the first time I looked at heaven with great anticipation rather than with trepidation.
"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ." Philippians 3:20
I think it's easy to get comfortable here in this world; in our lives, our homes, our striving, and our material things, that we forget this is not the end all. The good news is if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, your life on this earth is as bad as it will ever get. The best is yet to come. When I see these blooms, I think of heaven. That is my home.
 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials." 1 Peter 1:3-6
I am so thankful for these beautiful reminders each spring. There is beauty all around and though trials may come, I can face them because I know Christ is with me. He has proven Himself faithful to me through great loss. I am thankful that He can make all things new!

In what ways or area of life has He made all things new for you?

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